Five days...

So somehow 5 weeks turned into 5 days! I will be walking across the stage of the MC grand ball room in 5 days. I will be an official unofficial graduate of BYU-Idaho... I don't think I have taken time to really realize what that means, and how far I have come. In 5 months I will be an OFFICIAL college graduate... and I did it all in 9 semesters (including student teaching) many people now days take 5 or more years to graduate college!

I am going to be relying incredibly heavily on the Lord these next couple of months. I have some life- direction questions I still need answered, and I can't really see where things are going to go in the next few months. I am relying on my natural ability to teach, the knowledge I have been gathering over a life time, and faith in the Lord that He will help me succeed.

I am still looking for answers as where to go, what I should be doing after student teaching. I feel merky/foggy about it right now. I feel like going back to TX is a weird feeling, but I feel like staying in ID is a "yes" and somehow how I don't want to accept that so conflicting feelings are just getting me all mixed up. I may just be getting feelings of "you need to be in ID right now as in student teaching" mixed up with feelings of what to do after. I get the feeling like I am asking these questions too soon - so I am doing my best to rely on the Lord and take the greatest leap of faith I have ever taken in my life. I just got use to being a college student- now I have to learn how to function as an adult in the real world doing a real job.

Have you ever prepared yourself for a huge exam? Its kinda like that. I feel like I am preparing myself for the biggest trial I have ever gone through - to this point in my life. It is going to force me to pull from every experience that has shaped me- and tug as hard as it can on my weaknesses. I am nervous about it, but I realize I have a "cheat sheet" of sorts. I have the scriptures, I have my Patriarchal blessing, I have personal prayers to the Lord, and I have blessings from priesthood leaders. I have one of the greatest arsenals of sorts to prepare me in taking this exam. I don't think I have ever had to put THIS MUCH faith in the Lord and I feel like He is testing me on just that - my ability to rely on faith, to take it one step at a time and not to try to see the whole picture.

I only hope I keep these things in mind as the next few months unfold.

Five Weeks...

Five weeks is all i have left before i leave normal college life and do an internship of sorts, student teaching in Nampa, Idaho.

At times it still scares the living day lights out of me - but then i realize i have been given all the tools to succeed and my professors believe in me. I do need to work my confidence up a bit, but i know these things and i know i can do a good job. Anything i start that is new and a huge change scares me and gives me crazy anxiety - it runs in the family what can i say- and i am scared out of my mind but one thing helps.

Reading the scriptures everyday, saying my prayers (and not falling asleep in the middle of them - still working on that one sometimes, school really takes a lot out of ya seriously) and doing my best to be my best. At times it seems like the world is caving in on me, nothing goes right - and everything i planned gets turned down, at times i feel like nothing but then i have to realize....

I may feel like nothing in the world - but I am everything to the One who created it.

And with His help I will get through everything. The atonement is not just for sin - it is for hurt, and anxiety, and for when we feel like nothing in the world. It is to let us know there is one man who knows EXACTLY how we feel and is only a prayer away, if we only have faith. 

When it rains it pours...

Not that the rain necessarily has to be bad... It just seems that when one thing happens it makes everything else happen at once too...

So far I have certification testing...
Student teaching getting closer and closer
Perfecting my current teaching skills and methods...
Trying to make a 4.0 this semester
Making literally THE BIGGEST decision of my life (still waiting on the "green light" from the stake pres on that one)

And at times it feels SO overwhelming, but I know it feels right. It all feels like exactly where I should be and that it is exactly at the right time. I have a feeling I may not get to do the last item on the list exactly when I want to.... and that is okay doing it is the biggest part, and having those I love around me when I do counts.

This last semester is flying by faster than any semester I have had up here, I can't believe we are 5 weeks in already! I graduate in 9 weeks! WHAT THE!!

Its already almost April..

We are already almost a quarter of the way through the year and 3/4 of the way through my second to last semester on my way to getting my bachelors degree....

Getting here has been an interesting journey. It's one of those times I look back at how I was a year ago and am just in wonder at how far I have really come. Last year at this time, I let little things get under my skin and stress me out. And while at times I still feel some of the same rage I did at things that annoy me, the annoying feelings and anger go away much faster and I can move on from them.

Since I haven't posted since August, lets do a little recap of the last 6 months!

September: I started my new position at Party City as Front End Supervisor. It was great pay, and all the other employees, excluding managers, were beneath me. It was one of the greatest learning experiences I have ever had. I remember my first ever day at Party City back in 2010, I came home and wanted to quit right away, but I gave it a chance and it has become my favorite place I have ever worked, next to Main Event. I started working 4 to 5 days a week in preparation for the month of h.e.l.l aka october...

October: I worked literally 6 days a week, my only day off was Sunday, and that is because before I got promoted I demanded it off haha. I think I worked 2 weeks only technically 5 days, but I know for one of them I worked a double from open-close making it a 6 day week hours wise. I made bank that month... and saw a lot more of a cute boy I had been flirting with for a couple of weeks. When Mark and I finally closed up on Halloween we looked at each other in awe and couldn't believe it was really over... then we ran to our cars to get the heck out!! Abbi turned 2 this month- still my little sunshine, always will be.

November: Back to working 5 days a week. You could call this month the month of Setting, condensing, setting, and condensing. That is almost literally all I did, all day, every day I worked. I also became the queen of tagging, and price changes, and clearancing out! Working 5 days a week, and now getting the opportunity to open a lot more than close, I got the chance to get close to an amazing girl named Heather. She gave me the chance to show her what it feels like to have someone know your past, and not be judged by it. She gave me the chance to develop more of my Christ-like attributes. I learned to love her for who she was, not for what she did. She is completely the opposite of me in every way, but she is one of the most tender hearted girls I have ever known- including LDS girls.

December: Started out pretty good. I had 1 grand and glorious Saturday off this month- and I used it to my full advantage... hanging out with a certain boy I had my eye on for a few months. I worked up to 1 week before I left for Idaho, and even then I was up at work for some reason or another every day minus 1 before I left. I was even there up to a little over 12 hours before I left prying myself away from one of my best friends Heidi. I got to spend a lazy and rather awesome Christmas eve and Christmas day with my entire family including in-laws and niece and nephew. We ate, opened presents, got ready for Church and after Church we came back to open the remaining presents and eat dinner while playing with our new toys! The next few days brought tearful good-byes and apparently empty promises from cute boys...

January: The most epic and fun road trip I have ever taken was with my sister. We were able to take things at a slow pace and stop when we wanted. We didn't do any site seeing until we made it to Moab, Utah where we went to "Hole in the Rock", a rest stop/house tour/zoo. The hole in the rock is actually a home that was build on a Homestead. The Zoo is a recent addition that was too much fun! We were able to buy a pail of food to feed the animals, and we could touch many of them including a camel! They have no top teeth you know! The home just blew my mind, it was so ingenious! I want to go back! Time was spent with family, then it was up to Idaho we go! I was already falling into the same old same old routine, and could feel the seniorits looming over my head! I held back a few tears as I watched my family leave the kitchen of my apartment.

February: Full in the swing of my education practicum! Teaching a few days here and there at the middle school still as nervous as I could ever be through the first trimester(poor kids). I didn't think too much was going on.. until I mapped out what I had to accomplish in March..

March: We are almost exactly half way through March at this point, and it has been a real ride! One thing due after another, throw in Student Teaching interviews, and teaching, and having to observe actual HS classes in there and I give you the most hellish month there ever was! By far the craziest month I have had in my college career... and that's saying something!

Slowly things are coming together and getting done, and it is a pure miracle that they are. 3 weeks from tomorrow and I will be out of this place for almost 2 weeks (the longest break I have ever had between semesters and I'm using it to my full advantage)

So, there is a recap of the last... 6 1/2 months... I still cannot believe we are already this far into 2012...