Five days...

So somehow 5 weeks turned into 5 days! I will be walking across the stage of the MC grand ball room in 5 days. I will be an official unofficial graduate of BYU-Idaho... I don't think I have taken time to really realize what that means, and how far I have come. In 5 months I will be an OFFICIAL college graduate... and I did it all in 9 semesters (including student teaching) many people now days take 5 or more years to graduate college!

I am going to be relying incredibly heavily on the Lord these next couple of months. I have some life- direction questions I still need answered, and I can't really see where things are going to go in the next few months. I am relying on my natural ability to teach, the knowledge I have been gathering over a life time, and faith in the Lord that He will help me succeed.

I am still looking for answers as where to go, what I should be doing after student teaching. I feel merky/foggy about it right now. I feel like going back to TX is a weird feeling, but I feel like staying in ID is a "yes" and somehow how I don't want to accept that so conflicting feelings are just getting me all mixed up. I may just be getting feelings of "you need to be in ID right now as in student teaching" mixed up with feelings of what to do after. I get the feeling like I am asking these questions too soon - so I am doing my best to rely on the Lord and take the greatest leap of faith I have ever taken in my life. I just got use to being a college student- now I have to learn how to function as an adult in the real world doing a real job.

Have you ever prepared yourself for a huge exam? Its kinda like that. I feel like I am preparing myself for the biggest trial I have ever gone through - to this point in my life. It is going to force me to pull from every experience that has shaped me- and tug as hard as it can on my weaknesses. I am nervous about it, but I realize I have a "cheat sheet" of sorts. I have the scriptures, I have my Patriarchal blessing, I have personal prayers to the Lord, and I have blessings from priesthood leaders. I have one of the greatest arsenals of sorts to prepare me in taking this exam. I don't think I have ever had to put THIS MUCH faith in the Lord and I feel like He is testing me on just that - my ability to rely on faith, to take it one step at a time and not to try to see the whole picture.

I only hope I keep these things in mind as the next few months unfold.