I don't really know where to start this blog because I don't know that I really know how to put all the feelings and emotions and thoughts into words. Its not a subject or plane of thought that I haven't thought much about, in fact, it has really been on my mind probably 90% of the last few weeks. It something that I have been thinking a lot about since probably march though, trying to find the exact right words and eloquence for it all. But I don't know that it is going to ever be that way, there simply may not be the right words for what I have been thinking about.
To start off, I know ( I get it people say that all the time but this is just undeniable) that people are put into our lives for certain reason at certain times. I know that people leave our lives for certain reasons at certain times.
It has put me in awe recently over how perfectly my Heavenly Father knows me and loves me because of the people He has put in my life.
I've known certain things about myself that I haven't wanted to admit because I thought it would come off as crazy and weird but I really don't care anymore I need to get it out.. I've always had many wonderfully strong female leaders and role models in my life that I have looked up to as examples of the kind of woman I want to be. One of those women was put on an extremely high pedestal, we are talking this person could do no wrong they could have said all sorts of terrible things about me even and gotten away with it and I would still put them on that high in the sky place in my heart and mind. That person however has always lived in their own world. I was just too involved in mine, and her place in it, to realize this. When I moved to Utah I had all these expectations that I would see her all the time, after all the years of no communication or little communication, and that didn't happen. It wasn't heartbreaking per say, not like when you are in love with someone and they no longer want you, more like someone forgetting about you. Where all the memories and sweet moments with that person were no longer valid like it was all made up in your head and all the love you thought you had for the past 10 years was never there.... and you feel crazy because you think you did just make it all up. How could someone, who rushed to your side when you called in a panic from being in a car accident that wasn't your fault but you were still too afraid to call your parents for some dumb reason, not love you anymore... how could you make that up.... but I digress.
I realized because of that woman on that high pedestal seemingly leaving me "out in the cold" I had a hole in my heart that I needed to fill. I needed that type of person back in my life because I am the type of person who needs a lot of reassurance and nurturing. I like to put such a tough girl persona out because I am so sensitive and don't want to be hurt.. but I'm hurting myself by doing that... digressing again..
January came this year and a wonderful thing happened. Heavenly Father put the most perfect person in my path. Someone who is as nurturing as the person I lost, maybe even more so. Someone who took the time to get to know me and listened to me. Who understands my queue for love and attention and responds exactly the right way because she actually cares and shows she cares. Someone who I painted as that person I lost and shouldn't have because I was trying to fill a spot when the spot to be filled was completely full and even running over with how wonderful and loving this new friend is.
Little things this friend does every day put me in awe and make me feel loved. There have been times where I have started to panic after a few hours of no texting back because it is such an easy emotion for me to fall into anymore. But I have kept reminding myself that this new friend is not the friend who left me. She shows it every day by showing me she listened and understood what I needed. Whether its a text, a snapchat, a like on FB, an invitation to spend the day or even just a few squeezed in hours with her, its because I know she loves me and wants me to know and SEE that she does.
I am grateful for the angels Heavenly Father has given me. To watch over me and help build me up.
Friday, August 14, 2015
Sunday, April 6, 2014
Moments of Clarity
If ever there were needed a moment of clarity, this was it. Life has been nothing but chaos and confusion and strife and just bad decisions. And I keep telling myself that I'll change, and that I can do hard things but then somehow I get discouraged again and forget my goal.
I don't think I have ever thought of it this way- and I guess I am stupid not to have - but Satan has a real good way of distracting you from what you really need to do. And I don't mean by waving tantalizing sins in front of your face, I mean simple but ever so useful, slight of hand tricks. He isn't necessarily tempting to do bad things, merely keeping the attention elsewhere. And its like sthap Satan, you are not a magician go home. I mean I think it has come to me needing to PHYSICALLY see my end game in front of my every day/night to keep my attention where it needs to be.
All of this comes after an AMAZING General Conference. There have been times when I have received some good counsel from the apostles and prophet, absolutely. But the answers I needed in my confused little head could not have come any clearer and in so many talks. There were the normal few that did not peek my interest as much as others, but it seemed like speaker after speaker was just laying it out all so beautifully and simply. And then I remembered, Heavenly Father works in very simple and clear ways. There is no deception, no slight of hand, only true clarity.
My brother and his family stopped by tonight. It was instantly loud and chaotic and just so disorganized, but so goes life with 4 children under the age of 5. I noticed one of my nephews was getting tired and while I was trying to rock him in the middle of the chaos, I knew there was no way in heck this kid could get a moments peace with all the turmoil. I took him into my parents bedroom. It was cool and dark and best of all, quiet. Its moments like this one I cannot wait to have children of my own. As I sat on the bed rocking my nephew, I could see his big bright eyes looking up at me and a huge smile across that gummy mouth. I stood up and swayed with him, within a few minutes he was snoozing. It was in that quiet moment I realized, I was exactly where I needed to be. I had not felt that much comfort and that much understanding and love, not just from my nephew, in a long time. I realized that it was not in anyway where I could foresee myself being a year previous, but it was exactly where I was meant to be.
I understand that things may be changing soon, they are destined to, but I learned that Heavenly Father knows exactly what He is doing. I know I am still learning this, and my always have to continue learning this but I also know that He will never leave me. I know that He will always guide me and be with me so long as I allow His Spirit to be with me. I know that I need to make choices that will lead me to where I want to go, and that this pretending to be an adult is no longer a game. Its time to step up to the plate and realize that this is all real life, as was said in Conference today, you don't want to look back to late and realize you muddled away your 4 minutes. This "life" thing is not just a game of "playing house" its real, with real consequences, real choice, and real rewards.... and punishments.
I am so glad I was able to see those moments of clarity with my nephew in my arms. I don't think I would have if I wasn't given the chance to be in a quiet place with my heart so at peace.
I don't think I have ever thought of it this way- and I guess I am stupid not to have - but Satan has a real good way of distracting you from what you really need to do. And I don't mean by waving tantalizing sins in front of your face, I mean simple but ever so useful, slight of hand tricks. He isn't necessarily tempting to do bad things, merely keeping the attention elsewhere. And its like sthap Satan, you are not a magician go home. I mean I think it has come to me needing to PHYSICALLY see my end game in front of my every day/night to keep my attention where it needs to be.
All of this comes after an AMAZING General Conference. There have been times when I have received some good counsel from the apostles and prophet, absolutely. But the answers I needed in my confused little head could not have come any clearer and in so many talks. There were the normal few that did not peek my interest as much as others, but it seemed like speaker after speaker was just laying it out all so beautifully and simply. And then I remembered, Heavenly Father works in very simple and clear ways. There is no deception, no slight of hand, only true clarity.
My brother and his family stopped by tonight. It was instantly loud and chaotic and just so disorganized, but so goes life with 4 children under the age of 5. I noticed one of my nephews was getting tired and while I was trying to rock him in the middle of the chaos, I knew there was no way in heck this kid could get a moments peace with all the turmoil. I took him into my parents bedroom. It was cool and dark and best of all, quiet. Its moments like this one I cannot wait to have children of my own. As I sat on the bed rocking my nephew, I could see his big bright eyes looking up at me and a huge smile across that gummy mouth. I stood up and swayed with him, within a few minutes he was snoozing. It was in that quiet moment I realized, I was exactly where I needed to be. I had not felt that much comfort and that much understanding and love, not just from my nephew, in a long time. I realized that it was not in anyway where I could foresee myself being a year previous, but it was exactly where I was meant to be.
I understand that things may be changing soon, they are destined to, but I learned that Heavenly Father knows exactly what He is doing. I know I am still learning this, and my always have to continue learning this but I also know that He will never leave me. I know that He will always guide me and be with me so long as I allow His Spirit to be with me. I know that I need to make choices that will lead me to where I want to go, and that this pretending to be an adult is no longer a game. Its time to step up to the plate and realize that this is all real life, as was said in Conference today, you don't want to look back to late and realize you muddled away your 4 minutes. This "life" thing is not just a game of "playing house" its real, with real consequences, real choice, and real rewards.... and punishments.
I am so glad I was able to see those moments of clarity with my nephew in my arms. I don't think I would have if I wasn't given the chance to be in a quiet place with my heart so at peace.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Is it always this difficult?
I understand and have come to accept that I am a dramatic person. I have and still continue to occasionally blow things out of proportion. But I swear my life is made up of many instances of stink and every blue moon a shining glorious great moment, which is normally ruined by other circumstances of more stink.
When friends ask me about upcoming events and I finish my excitement with "but I'm sure something will change and it will all come crashing down" they give me funny looks, and when I explain to them that I live by Murphy's Law they laugh and shrug it off. What they don't understand is, I'm completely serious. I have learned that anything that can, will go wrong, and normally in the worst way.
I don't want to seem like I am not grateful for the blessings I do have in my life, they are countless, and it is easier to see everything that has gone wrong. I am currently able to attend church every week and able to attend a class I have wanted to be able to take my entire life at church. Along with that class I am hoping to be able to receive something I have also waited my entire life to do, but I'm also not holding out too much hope to be honest, because things always go wrong. I don't get to do things I want to do, ever so when this is another thing that doesn't work out.... I may actually need to go see a therapist.
Anyway, whatever, I'm upset, its been a long year already....
When friends ask me about upcoming events and I finish my excitement with "but I'm sure something will change and it will all come crashing down" they give me funny looks, and when I explain to them that I live by Murphy's Law they laugh and shrug it off. What they don't understand is, I'm completely serious. I have learned that anything that can, will go wrong, and normally in the worst way.
I don't want to seem like I am not grateful for the blessings I do have in my life, they are countless, and it is easier to see everything that has gone wrong. I am currently able to attend church every week and able to attend a class I have wanted to be able to take my entire life at church. Along with that class I am hoping to be able to receive something I have also waited my entire life to do, but I'm also not holding out too much hope to be honest, because things always go wrong. I don't get to do things I want to do, ever so when this is another thing that doesn't work out.... I may actually need to go see a therapist.
Anyway, whatever, I'm upset, its been a long year already....
Monday, February 10, 2014
The world needs more strong women
It embarrasses me to admit that it took me 25 years to learn this. I have always skated by, blending in, being average. I have recently realized, being average... gets you no where. I am tired of sitting by and letting life pass me by. I have given up so many opportunities for growth and learning simply because I was too lazy or it seemed too hard, but not anymore.
The world needs more strong women. I'm not talking about women who are tough and rumble tumble with the boys, I am talking about strong women with testimonies of the Lord, Jesus Christ that shine brighter than the sun. Strong women who have that "thing" no one can quite pin point, but are drawn to. The world needs more strong women who will give up everything for what they know. The world needs strong women who are educated and can think for themselves, enabling them to share their own beliefs. The world needs more strong women who seek adventure, not only for them but for the good of their future families. The world needs strong women who "don't take no crap from nobody" (Jamaica has a team in the Olympics again, what else did you expect.) that includes Satan. I will no longer stand idly by and be an average woman of faith. I'm not saying I will become a zealot, I have my boundaries and after all, "beautiful things do not seek attention." and what is more beautiful than a woman who lives her faith in such a way that no explanation is needed.
Something has got to give, and mine is being a lazy bum about my own life. I have been on this earth a quarter of a century and what do I have to show for it? A degree I havent even put to use yet, and a few trips inside the United States (even though New York is probably one of my absolute favorite places on the planet now). I need adventure. I need purpose. I need to become a strong woman who goes forward with her life with no more regrets, and no more poor self-esteem. I am a child of God, and more than that I am a daughter of God.
I always took the YW theme for granted, it is the blueprint for strong women:
We are daughters of Heavenly Father who loves us and we love Him
We will stand as witnesses of God at all times, and in all things, and in all places
as we strive to live the Young Women's values which are:
Faith
Divine Nature
Individual Worth
Knowledge
Choice & Accountability
Good Works
Integrity and
Virtue
We believe as we come to accept and act upon these values we will be prepared to
Strengthen home and family
Make and keep sacred covenants
Receive the ordinances of the temple &
Enjoy the blessings of exaltation.
Its about time for me to step up and take accountability. No more lazy bum.
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Where does the time go?
Seeing as it is the end of the year, and i nearly always get super reflection-y around this time of year and seeing where I have come from the year previous, here comes a huge, emotional, and super dysfunctional and hard to read post.
This time last year I was breaking up with a boy who I had never moved so fast with and had never been so wrong for.... and then about 3 weeks later I watched (through FB pictures) him get engaged to another girl and my world fell apart. I got so down about myself, nothing was right and I rebelled. In doing so, I lost myself even farther than I already had while I was with this boy and after him....
I moved back to Nampa, Idaho. It was my home. It was where I became an adult, its where I could stay away from the anxiety that was back in TX. And to be honest, I think it was divine inspiration I stayed in Idaho, because it turns out I had to go back to school for another semester. While in Nampa however, I did meet another boy who would teach me more about myself than I ever thought was possible and would change my life forever. I can remember the first time I ever even saw him. I thought he was SO cute right off the bat. And my immediate thought "I wanna kiss that boy" - lets all take a moment to remember that the Autumn we all know and love was gone and this empty, broken hearted, shell was looking for attention in all the wrong ways. I also immediately set out to find ways I could casually bump into this boy and make myself noticed in little ways- and all of them worked. Becoming friends was easy enough, he was new in town and needed them. And man was he easy to flirt with... Needless to say I got what I wanted. I felt like there was a reason I was back in Idaho, and he was it. I had completely forgotten my rule from my favorite rom/com "He's Just Not That Into You" as the main girl Gigi puts it, "you are not the exception, you are the rule." and I had completely forgotten that. I was going to have one of those adorable 'fate brought us together' mormon stories that all the adorable couples have. And we were adorable for a month or 2. I was gaga over this guy and he was all too sweet. We talked every day- all day. He loved history and wanted to study PT. I loved history and also happen to love massages ;). We got along so well, and he treated me well. And then he moved... and I moved.... and things fell apart- for the first time. Then we came back together for what was one of the best weekends of my life (dont be gross nothing happened- we just connected on a level we really never had and I could see life being that wonderful all the time) Then I moved.... and he didnt... and I came to realized all to late that I was always a second option. And my world fell apart again... but a little less than it had the first time. This time I had more composure and was able to communicate how things were and how I felt about them a lot better. I actually have the first boy to thank for that, making me say how I feel and not being afraid to feel it. I was more confident in myself with this break up. I knew I was right and I knew I had the Lord on my side, because I knew I was going to need Him and there was no way I was going to suffer through this one like I had the last one. Don't get me wrong, I still had things to learn, and am still learning to erase all the little corners of my life he resides.... but I felt more peace with this one. Up until I found out he was engaged- I still may have indulged in a day dream or two about us coming back together... after all we had once.... it could happen again. But it didn't and it never would, and I am mostly glad it didn't.
I cannot believe how much this past year has taught me about myself and how weird it is that for a while I felt like things were normal, and now that I actually do feel more normal, I see how depressed and confused I was. I have a huge task in front of me. I plan on moving to Utah to find a life for myself, and to be honest a new relationship! I want companionship and if I can't find it here.... and since I haven't found it here in the 4 1/2 months I've been here when I found not one but two in the 6 months I was in Nampa... it is time for a change. I am never more me than when I am on my own and if moving far away does that- than so be it.
It scares me, and I get discouraged when people tell me I am irresponsible for planning on moving when I don't have a solid job, but I moved back to Nampa with only a part time job and I know it was the right thing to do, so I know this is the right thing to do. I will get the job I want and the job I need. I just need to move up there and get my life started... The only thing in my way is money- but I can do hard things, and I will save all the money I can to get up there as soon as I can. I need another clean start and this is it.
I can't believe the things Heavenly Father put in my path at exactly the right time for me to take it. And I know this is just another test to see if I will listen to Him.... Now just to get there.
This time last year I was breaking up with a boy who I had never moved so fast with and had never been so wrong for.... and then about 3 weeks later I watched (through FB pictures) him get engaged to another girl and my world fell apart. I got so down about myself, nothing was right and I rebelled. In doing so, I lost myself even farther than I already had while I was with this boy and after him....
I moved back to Nampa, Idaho. It was my home. It was where I became an adult, its where I could stay away from the anxiety that was back in TX. And to be honest, I think it was divine inspiration I stayed in Idaho, because it turns out I had to go back to school for another semester. While in Nampa however, I did meet another boy who would teach me more about myself than I ever thought was possible and would change my life forever. I can remember the first time I ever even saw him. I thought he was SO cute right off the bat. And my immediate thought "I wanna kiss that boy" - lets all take a moment to remember that the Autumn we all know and love was gone and this empty, broken hearted, shell was looking for attention in all the wrong ways. I also immediately set out to find ways I could casually bump into this boy and make myself noticed in little ways- and all of them worked. Becoming friends was easy enough, he was new in town and needed them. And man was he easy to flirt with... Needless to say I got what I wanted. I felt like there was a reason I was back in Idaho, and he was it. I had completely forgotten my rule from my favorite rom/com "He's Just Not That Into You" as the main girl Gigi puts it, "you are not the exception, you are the rule." and I had completely forgotten that. I was going to have one of those adorable 'fate brought us together' mormon stories that all the adorable couples have. And we were adorable for a month or 2. I was gaga over this guy and he was all too sweet. We talked every day- all day. He loved history and wanted to study PT. I loved history and also happen to love massages ;). We got along so well, and he treated me well. And then he moved... and I moved.... and things fell apart- for the first time. Then we came back together for what was one of the best weekends of my life (dont be gross nothing happened- we just connected on a level we really never had and I could see life being that wonderful all the time) Then I moved.... and he didnt... and I came to realized all to late that I was always a second option. And my world fell apart again... but a little less than it had the first time. This time I had more composure and was able to communicate how things were and how I felt about them a lot better. I actually have the first boy to thank for that, making me say how I feel and not being afraid to feel it. I was more confident in myself with this break up. I knew I was right and I knew I had the Lord on my side, because I knew I was going to need Him and there was no way I was going to suffer through this one like I had the last one. Don't get me wrong, I still had things to learn, and am still learning to erase all the little corners of my life he resides.... but I felt more peace with this one. Up until I found out he was engaged- I still may have indulged in a day dream or two about us coming back together... after all we had once.... it could happen again. But it didn't and it never would, and I am mostly glad it didn't.
I cannot believe how much this past year has taught me about myself and how weird it is that for a while I felt like things were normal, and now that I actually do feel more normal, I see how depressed and confused I was. I have a huge task in front of me. I plan on moving to Utah to find a life for myself, and to be honest a new relationship! I want companionship and if I can't find it here.... and since I haven't found it here in the 4 1/2 months I've been here when I found not one but two in the 6 months I was in Nampa... it is time for a change. I am never more me than when I am on my own and if moving far away does that- than so be it.
It scares me, and I get discouraged when people tell me I am irresponsible for planning on moving when I don't have a solid job, but I moved back to Nampa with only a part time job and I know it was the right thing to do, so I know this is the right thing to do. I will get the job I want and the job I need. I just need to move up there and get my life started... The only thing in my way is money- but I can do hard things, and I will save all the money I can to get up there as soon as I can. I need another clean start and this is it.
I can't believe the things Heavenly Father put in my path at exactly the right time for me to take it. And I know this is just another test to see if I will listen to Him.... Now just to get there.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
0____o
These past few weeks I have been able to look back at how much I really have grown and why maybe that is... I know an incredibly huge part of it was student teaching. The kids actually see you as a teacher, and with that comes ALL of the responsibilities of being a teacher this quote I saw on a blog describes it perfectly...
"A Teacher...
becomes a mom or dad for the day while they are at work
is a doctor- keeping bandaids and nurse's office passes in stock ready to be filled out
is a counselor- with tissues on their desk and an open door.
is a guider, a leader, a facilitator of knowledge.
A teacher is someone who has been handed the trust of our future, and with that comes responsibility and maturity."
I think about the person I was before I was a student teacher and the person I am after student teaching- including the personal life break up- and at times I wish things had never happened, or that I had chosen a different major... But then I look at myself and I have never loved myself more, or known who I really am more than I do today. I have never felt more 23 and I absolutely love it! For the first time I don't feel like I am 17 or 18!
And for the first time... I think I'll actually talk about my last relationship, because while student teaching helped me immensely in maturing professionally- this helped me mature personally.. I have never been more hurt, or had my eyes more opened to the real world than I have with this last relationship. I never understood how girls who were lied to just stood by and took it. I never understood how they didnt see it- until I was that girl. You get so lost in the different stories and the cover ups that... you don't know who to believe and you are more inclined to believe your boyfriend because he is the one you should be able to believe- he is the one you are trusting... because he is your boyfriend and you should be able to put your trust in him... right?
I know now that I am definitely more cautious. I can see personality traits and flags pop up a lot faster and easier than they use to. My trust will still not completely be repaired... maybe ever, but that is not to say that I wont trust a man again- the first one to try will have a lot of work to do, and I do plan on helping with that. I know that it is my choice to not trust or to do trust- and I can't stay this broken or damaged person. People like that live in the past- which is not where I want to be. I have my whole life ahead of me and thankfully- it is not with him. I am thankful to him for that. I am thankful to be strong enough to know that I am 100 times better than that. And I feel sorry for his fiancee... but that is not my problem and I am happy to just have friends and be happy and free.
I am thankful for my experiences in Nampa, I would never have thought that IDAHO would be the state where I would grow into such a well rounded and mature person... in fact it seems like the last place a person can do that, but it has been so liberating to be here and I am so happy for it.
"A Teacher...
becomes a mom or dad for the day while they are at work
is a doctor- keeping bandaids and nurse's office passes in stock ready to be filled out
is a counselor- with tissues on their desk and an open door.
is a guider, a leader, a facilitator of knowledge.
A teacher is someone who has been handed the trust of our future, and with that comes responsibility and maturity."
I think about the person I was before I was a student teacher and the person I am after student teaching- including the personal life break up- and at times I wish things had never happened, or that I had chosen a different major... But then I look at myself and I have never loved myself more, or known who I really am more than I do today. I have never felt more 23 and I absolutely love it! For the first time I don't feel like I am 17 or 18!
And for the first time... I think I'll actually talk about my last relationship, because while student teaching helped me immensely in maturing professionally- this helped me mature personally.. I have never been more hurt, or had my eyes more opened to the real world than I have with this last relationship. I never understood how girls who were lied to just stood by and took it. I never understood how they didnt see it- until I was that girl. You get so lost in the different stories and the cover ups that... you don't know who to believe and you are more inclined to believe your boyfriend because he is the one you should be able to believe- he is the one you are trusting... because he is your boyfriend and you should be able to put your trust in him... right?
I know now that I am definitely more cautious. I can see personality traits and flags pop up a lot faster and easier than they use to. My trust will still not completely be repaired... maybe ever, but that is not to say that I wont trust a man again- the first one to try will have a lot of work to do, and I do plan on helping with that. I know that it is my choice to not trust or to do trust- and I can't stay this broken or damaged person. People like that live in the past- which is not where I want to be. I have my whole life ahead of me and thankfully- it is not with him. I am thankful to him for that. I am thankful to be strong enough to know that I am 100 times better than that. And I feel sorry for his fiancee... but that is not my problem and I am happy to just have friends and be happy and free.
I am thankful for my experiences in Nampa, I would never have thought that IDAHO would be the state where I would grow into such a well rounded and mature person... in fact it seems like the last place a person can do that, but it has been so liberating to be here and I am so happy for it.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Like Woah...
Its kinda amazing what can happen in just a short 6 months... eh? Lets take a ride down memory lane... Disclaimer: this post will be about student teaching ONLY haha
August: Half of the month was spent in grand ole Texas.... I can't even REMEMBER what happened at home or what I did or who I really even saw.... I know that I was super anxious to go back to Idaho and begin student teaching, I had no idea what to expect or how I would be in a real classroom, being responsible for real grades and learning of kids. Getting back to Idaho and going through a whirlwind orientation to meeting my mentor teacher to starting on my first day. I still felt SO YOUNG on my first day. So unsure of myself and what I was doing. It took a good couple of months before I was really comfortable with what I was doing.
September: It was all I could do to get to this month! Getting to labor day was my #1 goal! It was only 2 weeks after school started, but it seemed to take an eternity! I spent it at home, sleeping in, still getting my room put together! Still getting use to school and worrying about my first eval AHHHHH!
October: FINALLY a few days off! I took a trip down to Utah! It was nice to have some time off to relax and see friends and family... mostly family :) I got back and started my after school job - yeah a job on top of every thing else... believe me I dont know how I did it either! It was nice to have a little money rolling in! Especially since this month I finally had friends and we went out to eat like literally every night... 0_____o
November: Really getting the hang of the classroom! My mentor teacher still has to leave the room when I am teaching so I can actually be the one teaching baha! Kids are seeing me as a teacher and are actually coming to me for stuff instead of my mentor teacher :) AAAWWW YEAH!
December: Basically the last 2 weeks of teaching I was by myself- mentor teacher was a sicky or his kids were a sicky so I was the "sub" which was nice for everyone! I got some good teaching practice in, he got some time off, and the kids still got good lessons because I knew what the crap was going on instead of some random sub who had no idea! This was also when I realized I needed to stay in Idaho, and at my after school job! So like a week before I was supposed to come home, I urgently call home needing to stay in Idaho after break! So we got it all taken care of and I found a new place to live, kept my after school job, and was flying back to TX for 3 weeks!
Looking back, I cannot believe how much I have changed and what all I have learned! Coming back I actually feel like an adult I think.. haha Just thinking about 6 months ago before I started all of this and now... I am such a completely different person.. at the core still the same but really a different person when it comes to how I think about myself, what I know I am capable of and where I need to be going in my life. Student teaching was the craziest, most difficult, intense, worst, and BEST time of my life I can't wait to see what else is in store!
August: Half of the month was spent in grand ole Texas.... I can't even REMEMBER what happened at home or what I did or who I really even saw.... I know that I was super anxious to go back to Idaho and begin student teaching, I had no idea what to expect or how I would be in a real classroom, being responsible for real grades and learning of kids. Getting back to Idaho and going through a whirlwind orientation to meeting my mentor teacher to starting on my first day. I still felt SO YOUNG on my first day. So unsure of myself and what I was doing. It took a good couple of months before I was really comfortable with what I was doing.
September: It was all I could do to get to this month! Getting to labor day was my #1 goal! It was only 2 weeks after school started, but it seemed to take an eternity! I spent it at home, sleeping in, still getting my room put together! Still getting use to school and worrying about my first eval AHHHHH!
October: FINALLY a few days off! I took a trip down to Utah! It was nice to have some time off to relax and see friends and family... mostly family :) I got back and started my after school job - yeah a job on top of every thing else... believe me I dont know how I did it either! It was nice to have a little money rolling in! Especially since this month I finally had friends and we went out to eat like literally every night... 0_____o
November: Really getting the hang of the classroom! My mentor teacher still has to leave the room when I am teaching so I can actually be the one teaching baha! Kids are seeing me as a teacher and are actually coming to me for stuff instead of my mentor teacher :) AAAWWW YEAH!
December: Basically the last 2 weeks of teaching I was by myself- mentor teacher was a sicky or his kids were a sicky so I was the "sub" which was nice for everyone! I got some good teaching practice in, he got some time off, and the kids still got good lessons because I knew what the crap was going on instead of some random sub who had no idea! This was also when I realized I needed to stay in Idaho, and at my after school job! So like a week before I was supposed to come home, I urgently call home needing to stay in Idaho after break! So we got it all taken care of and I found a new place to live, kept my after school job, and was flying back to TX for 3 weeks!
Looking back, I cannot believe how much I have changed and what all I have learned! Coming back I actually feel like an adult I think.. haha Just thinking about 6 months ago before I started all of this and now... I am such a completely different person.. at the core still the same but really a different person when it comes to how I think about myself, what I know I am capable of and where I need to be going in my life. Student teaching was the craziest, most difficult, intense, worst, and BEST time of my life I can't wait to see what else is in store!
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