And then there was this...

So, choosing to be a teacher was not the easiest decision I have ever made. But seeing as I like to do as the Lord asks, it didn't take long for me to make it. I wasn't sure, at the beginning, that teaching was for me. In fact it scared the living daylights out of me! But as I trained, and learned, and had loving guidance from Heavenly Father- who showed me in many ways the natural teacher I was... I knew it was my calling. I knew that Satan would do anything to keep me from impacting the lives I was meant to touch and it has been a difficult battle to keep in mind that I am important, and will teach many children who will be the future.

So I accept being a teacher. My first thought, as I got accepted to BYUI was, "all the guys are going to just think I am an ED major b/c I just want to get married, not because I want to teach!" which was completely wrong.

Three years down the road and guys still look at me differently when I tell them my major.. that could also be because no one has heard of my major but those that are in my major... Social Studies Education. Yeah. Finally I meet a GUY who is SINGLE who wants to be a teacher. And the more we talk about things the more we have the exact same answers to things... and the more I want to scream at him that the perfect girl is standing right in front of his face! It is kind of a weird position because over the past few weeks I have been training myself to see him as only a friend, and that has been weird. So I have recently accomplished it, but its really difficult to keep it up when we are talking about family and money, and college majors and how money doesn't matter as long as you are happy... And how I genuinely think that- and boys are just dumb.

(^*)

It has been an intense past few days, but amazing. My sweet, mellow little nephew got here this week. He is the cutest little guy! It has been fun to spend time with him and my niece. The other night I had both of them asleep on me- best thing ever!

As always it has been interesting with boys. Getting home so late from being over at my brother and sister's and of course getting on facebook has made for some interesting conversations with a certain boy. Last night we started talking about Tumbelina and "let me be your wings" moving onto one of his favorite songs "I see the light" then we started having a love song battle- sharing our favorite love songs with each other it was a little funny. Eventually we were teasing each other enough that we needed a stink eye emoticon- and there wasn't one so we had to make one up- (^*) the official stink eye emoticon! Anyhow, it was a hilarious conversation and now I can't get "Two is better than one" and "I see the light" out of my head!

And so it keeps beating on...

Last night was an interesting night. I talked to Peter for an hour and a half, and felt more like myself than ever before- I am not going to see him again for at least 5 months(hoping he can stay for winter semester) So it was easy to joke around with no pressure of anything... While I was talking to Peter, Kurt IM's me too and we are talking about random dumb stuff, I am not really paying attention b/c lets be honest, I'm talking to Peter... And so Peter has to leave and I am just talking to Kurt- also another friend from work- and he tells me he has a confession to make. I knew what was coming, because I am a social scientist- I observe people for a living, and intend to teach others about it someday. So he tells me he liked me or in his words(that a lot of guys use up there and I dont like it) "I began to be interested in you toward the end of the semester" which I totally knew. When guys start talking about relationships and stuff... they normally are looking for what you think so they can guess how to act around you. They even like dropping hints, theirs are a lot more obvious though, mainly because girls are not as thick as men. I asked him when it was that he started to like me, and he told me it was when I told him I stopped liking Peter. Only problem with that is, I only told him I stopped liking Peter because I didn't want to appear pathetic.. Also I am a huge flirt and was guilty of flirting with him when I dont like him as more than anything than a friend(kurt that is). And I was doing that to him when Peter was doing the same to me, flirting when we were just friends.... I still like that he tells me stuff and that we talked for over an hour :) Hopefully there will be more convos like that over the next 7 weeks and after :) hahahahaha ya know... just between friends......

I Wrote This For You....

So I stole the title of a popular blog for the post of mine... but the title is still true none the less... I wrote this for you.. even though you will never see it...

A little gratuitous picture for you.... while you read these lyrics...

Existentialism on Prom Night, by Straylight Run:

When the sun came up,
We were sleeping in,
Sunk inside our blankets,
Sprawled across the bed,
And we were dreaming,

There are moments when,
When I know it and
The world revolves around us,
And we're keeping it,
Keep it all going,
This delicate balance,
Vulnerable all knowing,

Sing like you think no one's listening,
You would kill for this,
Just a little bit,
Just a little bit,
You would, kill for this

Sing like you think no one's listening,
You would kill for this,
Just a little bit,
Just a little bit,
You would, you would...

Sing me something soft,
Sad and delicate,
Or loud and out of key,
Sing me anything,
we're glad for what we've got,
Done with what we've lost
Our whole lives laid out right in front of us,

Sing like you think no one's listening,
You would kill for this,
Just a little bit,
Just a little bit,
You would,

Sing like you think no one's listening,
You would kill for this,
Just a little bit,
Just a little bit,
You would, you would....

Sing me something soft,
Sad and delicate,
Or loud and out of key,
Sing me anything.

Home

Well I am back in Texas and I wish I could say I am excited, but I wish I was in Rexburg of all places right now. At least some of my friends are back there. At least my friends there would have changed the channel at the first inappropriate comment uttered on TV, instead I am stuck here with my family as they just laugh at what is being said... even when I ask, politely, for them to change the channel, on 2 separate occasions, giving my mom plenty of time to change it- and she just laughs telling me "its funny" its not FUNNY when there are single people in the room who have no need, actually even if you are married you have no need to hear what they were talking about... and now I can never unhear that crap....

I know it seems like I am never satisfied and I want to be home when I am in Rexburg and in Rexburg when I am home.. but its for real this time. I didn't want to leave Rexy in the first time this year. If there had been some way for me to stay there I would have done it in a heart beat... I am so ready to be on my own. Just stepping into my house I knew things had not changed from when I had been there in April, or even last year before I left... NOTHING has changed and I have CHANGED in a big way.... Ugh I will not go back to their ways the feeling of BYUI is just too good to give up... Welcome to 5 months of interesting for me.... lets see how it goes.

And so here we are

The official end of the semester, tomorrow is my last day, and all I have to do is white glove clean checks, and finish packing stuff into my car... it feels very surreal to be going home, I feel like I just got here, but looking back on the year, its difficult to think that so much has happened, so lets take a trip down memory lane shall we.. its only 12:30 and I have absolutely no intentions of going to bed...

January: Getting to Utah is a little later than scheduled- by about a whole dang week... When I get there I walk in, see my Grandma, aunt, cousin, and second cousin all waiting for me, and I am so happy. The next day we leave for Idaho, where I get to my apartment and rush to the door of the lounge to see my best friend... oh how things have changed, it feels like I have taken another step on the maturity latter... January besides that was a bit of a blur, for the first time I did not cry while saying good bye to my parents, a huge step. My other bestie came back with a boyfriend, which was incredibly weird, and so we move on to February...

February: Lets rename it month of the crazies! My roommate got engaged, and married within the same month. And being one of her bridesmaids- and having learned from my first time. It was a little intense. So we were down one roommate. And then.... well we can basically skip to the end of March...

March: school, school, school. Patching up damaged relationships, and getting ready for the end of the semester. This would also be the last time I would see my grandmother in her home.

April: Finals blick! Going home. Taking a trip to Utah to fly home, and seeing my grandma in the hospital for the first time... worst/probably one of the most spiritual times I have had this year. Getting to spend those precious 30 minutes alone with her, holding her hand, I will never forget it. Get home to Texas, and I have a million and one people to see, and it seems like there is not enough time to do it! Somehow I manage to get it all done, and make a baby blanket! Then it is on my way back up to Utah. Where I will see my grandma for the last time alive, I would have told my roommate to get a different ride had I known, and spent the rest of the day with my grandma- but I guess I will have eternity for that...

May: It is my birthday month! And it seems like it is taking forever to get to my birthday, probably because it is so late in the month. May 12, I get a call from my mother that my grandma has passed away- devastation doesn't begin to cover it. The very next day I pack up for a week and leave for Utah. There I help my aunt and uncle with things until my mom and sister arrive. When they do, I help pick out such things like a casket, the programs, telling them if there is anything wrong with the way she looks that they can fix... I'm tearing up just thinking about it. Thankfully my niece and sister in law get to come this time, and they brighten the day. Getting to show Abbi pictures of people and pointing them out on the tv as the slideshow goes, was one of the most moving things I experienced, I wonder if she knew some of them before she joined us here... Back up to school for 4 days before I leave for Utah again, and 5 days before my birthday! I got to have all my family in my grandma's house- the way she would have wanted it. And so we move into June...

June: Was the month of waiting! It was one month until Lisa was back from Germany, and time really seemed to slow! I had a count down on my phone, as well as on the calendar! The days ticked by, and all I could think about was seeing her again. I had some amazing times with my friends the weekend before, getting tan was the other objective of this month. And so came July...

July: Finally the weekend came, and I headed down to Utah. Monday ticked by slowly at first, but eventually picked up speed and before I knew it I was down to less than 12 hours. Waking up several times in the middle of the night, and forcing myself back to sleep- I woke up at the sound of my alarm. I jumped up, ran to the shower and started getting ready for the day, I tried to take my time when I realized I gave myself 2 1/2 hours to get ready... I really only needed maybe 1 and 15 minutes. So I put Toy Story in, and at 11:30 I was headed out! It actually took the full 30 minutes for me to drive there... who knew going up a mountain would be so dang difficult... getting there in the winter will for sure suck...I get there and her wonderful husband answers the door with a big wave and a smile. So I wait for her to come upstairs and it feels like an eternity until I see her running up and I can't help myself- I just run toward her. I had been waiting for this hug for 3 years, and I waited a couple of seconds... the tears never came- I was a little worried, but eventually after talking for almost 2 hours they began to fall... and were interrupted by a phone call from her still wonderful husband. There will never be time enough to make up for her being gone 3 years, but I will certainly try with all my might! And so the weekend was over, and I had to go back up to school... crying most of the way.

The rest of the semester passed by in a whirlwind. I cant believe I will be home in 4 days! I cannot imagine what the rest of the year will bring, but be sure, you will know.

Irrationality

Ya know when things get all confusing and you dont really know how to feel because you feel one really irrational way, but its like indulgence so you want to feel that way, and you cant because it really is irrational. And that irrational feeling makes you think you are feeling other feelings when in reality it is just the irrational feeling making you feel the way you do.

And it being the end of the semester.... well end of the semester feelings always come out and those always suck and it just needs to be the end of the semester like done end.


Also the missing Lisa, is not getting better... In fact it is getting worse, probably because of the current circumstances, but still a hug from her would really feel good right now...

The Beginning of the End...

And so we have reached the end of another year at BYU-I. When it comes to the end of other Spring semester's I am always jumping to get out of town, this year however, a good part of me wants to stay. I'm not sure what it is, or why I am feeling this way because I want to see my family, but I feel almost like it is a pivotal time, that being up here could be a very good thing. The bad thing about it is, I have to go home because I have to make money for next year. I wish so bad I could stay. I am just getting into the swing of the semester. I have made all these amazing new friends who are all so different and so awesome to hang out with. And going back to Texas means going back to no friends, working all the time with fun people, but having to deal with people who are angry about things you cannot control, going to the same old ward, with the same old people who ask you the same question every week "you go to byu-i, how is it, do you have anyone special up there?" to which I will answer " yes i do, it is great! "so spiritual", no i do not *sarcastic haha*" to which they will give me the saddest pity face they can muster and reply "oh well, they don't know what they are missing" or "oh, well school is important, focusing on that is good too". Yeah, y'all can shut up, just judge me to yourself and walk away, I don't need you to remind me of my "failure"... I also really do not need to see your judgment to my face, I get enough of it from others...

It doesn't help anything that the person I missed every single day for 3 years, came back and I only got to see her for 2 1/2 hours! It doesn't help that the second I saw her I couldn't comprehend it and so the emotions I wanted to feel wouldn't come out, so the whole time I was with her was like a surreal dream, and we talked about little things- right as we were getting into important things, her phone rings... I wanted to have that conversation with her so bad, because it was beginning to feel real. It was beginning to feel like we really were there. I wanted to really tell her how much I had grown, about the person I had become since she was gone- and I couldn't fully do that. I wanted to tell her how much I had grown to love the gospel, how much Christ has come to mean in my life and the Atonement He made for my sins. I wanted to tell her how I came to discover how much my Heavenly Father really does love me, and know me, and looks out for me, even if it is just a "hi" from a girl in my apartment complex on a terrible day. I wanted her to know that it is because of her and the example she is in my life that I chose to do the things I did in the first place, and fell in love with being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. That her example helped me fall in love with the scriptures, that through that I found my own reason for doing it- because I was in love with it. I wanted it to be every part of me, inside and out. I wanted to tell her that telling others about the church, even in small ways, made me radiate happiness like never before. That service to others was the best feeling I have ever had...

But I guess that will have to wait for our next meeting which I hope will be in January whether it be right before the semester or during the first 3 day weekend. I hope to learn to write my testimony in German for her, because sometimes the written word is a lot easier than the spoken one.

I think that is another reason I don't want to leave, having her only 3 hours away is a lot more comforting than 23 hours away, even if she is in the same country again, it is having to figure out where we stand in each others lives again. I keep thinking, I have to find a place for her again. She was gone for so long, and she left at a crucial point in my life where everything was changing, and now it feels like time in a sense froze... or our relationship froze for 3 years- and yes we emailed, but it didn't have the same emotion that talking face to face had. It is difficult to describe, but the best phrase I can find is, that she kind of got put on the back burner, where I told her about things, but its not like I expected her to help me with it, or completely understand, I was just telling her to keep my promise that I would keep her informed. She has a place in my life, the place she had before was a huge one, and now other people have started to invade that space, and I don't know if I can give it all back... We will see how things go, how much we talk when she gets back from her vacation...

Dear boy,

Really now, can we get real for a minute...

First of all, stop playing the flirting game. I liked you- past tense- you didnt like me back, we decided to be friends. JUST FRIENDS DONT FLIRT! Quit throwing the pillows at me to get me to start a fight with you. Quit asking me to pull you up off the floor. Quit directing the conversation just at me when there are multiple other people in the room. Be my friend- or be my boyfriend, there is no middle ground I don't play that game.

If you are going to be shallow and like my best friend, take her she is all yours- ps high maintenance doesn't begin to explain it.

If is sound angry, it's because I am. I cannot tell you how freaking tired I am of this stupid game! I am tired of boys only being friends with me, what the heck am I doing wrong? I hate hate hate hate hate all of you!

When you finally realize who the person you like really is, let me know... maybe I'll help...

Well that was interesting...

So it gets to the point where the games just have to end. Silently fighting over a guy who you and your best friend like, who she didn't like in the first place and then after she figured out you like him decided she liked him too.... it gets tiresome and we basically arent talking... again.... I swear its like she doesn't get exactly what she wants and its WW3...

So I laid it all out for him tonight. I about DIED in the process, but once it was out, there it was, no taking it back. And this is how it went..... background story yada yada... talking about how he doesnt believe any girls can like like him... I chime in "would you believe me if i told you i like you?" boy: "well i do now, since you just told me" continue with story saying "well since i decided i like you, she has too... and that is what our little 'cat fight' is about" I went into some detail about specific things, and he started putting pieces together and noticing all the things she had been doing... And he told me this "I will have my guard up now when I go over there..." and we kinda talked about his obliviousness and not really how he felt about anything else... like feelings toward people. but he said we were cool, still friends and stuff which made me happy.

So friends we shall be, until he decides otherwise... if ever... im okay with friends, gotta start somewhere right...

Ps to my sis in law, the boy i am talking about is the same boy from Yellowstone...

11 Days

And so the final count down until I see Lisa again has started! Truthfully it started way back at about 25 or more days and now we are in the final stretch, it is only 6 days until they are back in the states, I dont know that I am going to be able to focus that day in school, thankfully I only have 2 of my 3 classes that day. The next 4 days after that are going to be so long!

I didn't originally know what I was going to do on the 4th of July, but I do now. It just came to me. I will be first visiting my grandpa, I need to go have a good talk with him. Next, the tough one, I will be visiting my grandma and uncle. I need to have a good talk with my grandma- she always wanted to know what was going on and always had an open ear for complaining without really having a bias. My heart is still torn open from the somewhat surprise of her passing, it is going to hurt, and probably tear my heart a little more to go visit, but I plan on doing it every single time I am in Utah. When I go down at the end of the semester, it will be the first place I go. Going alone is the best for me right now, i mourn the best in private, that is also something I haven't really been able to do. And it certainly doesn't help that at this very moment, the window is open and it smells exactly like my grandma's backyard at night. Or the front bedroom when I would spend the night. I can almost hear her breathing(we always kept the doors open, so we could see each other) laughing in her sleep as a gentle breeze flows in... hearing the runoff from the creek in the background and the lulling tick of the coocoo clock from the family room. It was always so peaceful- I knew I was loved, I knew I was safe, I knew she was always there, eager to hear about my life. I know she is still with me now, more than ever, helping me guiding me, and still wanting the best for me. I know my grandpa is also with me doing the same things, I miss his wise insight to life, his caring and giving nature.

I one day hope to live up to everything they wanted me to be. I hope to live up to what everyone now wants me to be. I can't wait to see Lisa, it is going to be an amazing, and incredibly story filled reunion, we have 3 years to catch up on, when before- the longest we ever went without seeing each other was 2 months... Missed her doesn't even begin to explain it!

Sleep Deprivation

Dont you hate those times when you think, I could/would not like a certain person, but then you spend time with them and talk to them and its like dang I like you.

Yeah me too. I hate all the pressure up here to get married, to find the one person you will share forever with. Like if you don't you literally fail at life, so you better find them.

I also hate it when someone who didn't like a person at all, suddenly decides they like said person. And how said person also thinks they should have first dibs... get a life sweetheart- I will fight you.

The worst is when you and the person you like talk about how he thinks no one could ever like him, "like that" and you, the person who likes him is standing right in front of his face. Also not being able to sleep because of that boy and trying to find a good time to tell him because that is the only way to "fix" your relationship... or should I say friendship... if we can even call it that. but you would think that someone who told you things from his heart, that he hasn't told other people would be your friend.

Not being able to sleep... that is an added bonus. But I will not give up on this boy- I just feel like I should keep going.

Remembering the Good things in Life.

So much has changed since my last post. So much that is so personal and close to my heart it will have to be shared at another time...

Right now I am trying to focus on the happy things in my life. I am going to school and only have 1 year left before I graduate. I will be a truly independent person then.. scary but good. I have an incredibly loving family who supports me through thick and thin. I have a father who teaches me motivation by his immense hard work to get to where he is and to be able to provide our family the luxury we live in now. I have a loving mother who teaches me humility and has gone through more than I can imagine, and learns from it, better than any other person I know. I have a brother who is the biggest teddy bear a girl could ask for and teaches me every day that quiet can be good too. I have another brother who teaches me kindness every time he scoops his daughter in his arms and gives her a kiss. I have a sister who teaches me love for every single person good or bad. I have a sister-in-law who teaches me charity for every living thing. I have a niece who teaches me wonder and excitement every time she experiences something new, its like I am too. I have a best friend who teaches me forgiveness even when it seems unforgivable. I have a mentor that teaches me, even over 2000 miles away, that a testimony is your greatest weapon against Satan and his evil plan. I have a Savior who died for me, and knows my every sorrow, tear, and lonely pang within my heart.

I am grateful for those who love me. I am grateful to be a member of a Church that encourages me to become the best I can be, to become like my Savior. I love my family, I love my friends, and all who have helped me become who I am today. Thank you for being a "good thing" in my life.

:)

I keep having dreams about this lovely lady. And it is almost becoming unbearable how much I miss her. In the dreams she is always suppose to be home, like they are done with their 3 years and are home for good(not like they normally are where it is total and complete surprise she is home and I am just in tears that she is back and didn't tell me) and it is happy and I wake up happy, but I want it to be for real! I just miss her presence. I miss the security that came from being around her, from knowing I had her complete confidence. I do have to say though, I would not be as close to April if Lisa had not gone to Germany. Our relationship has become so, awesome to describe it poorly. So much has changed and so much has happened I just want to be able to tell her in real life, and to hear all her stories and hopefully her cute German accent :). And mostly to have one of those all enveloping Lisa hugs again. Kinda like the hugs that girl gives on the Santa Clause 3, they just warm you up.

Anyway, enough for tonight. Time to dream again, and start a new day tomorrow! MAY THE FOURTH BE WITH YOU HAPPY STAR WARS DAY!

Happy Times

Today actually started out nasty. It all began last night, I had the worst headache and didn't think I needed to take anything for it because I thought it was just from exhaustion, so I went to bed. I woke up with a splitting headache! I was sick to my stomach, and my head was just pulsing, I knew it was the beginning of a migraine, so I took some Excedrin and tried to go back to bed, thankfully I have a really good friend in my first class, and we don't really have to take notes in the first place. So I slept until about 10. I felt much better when I woke up, not just because I didn't have a headache anymore either.

While I was sleeping, I had a very happy dream. From what I can remember of it, we were going to a party. It was at the Ninow's old house and we came in the back. Anyway, it was a welcome back party... they were throwing themselves(somehow that made sense in my head!) And as soon as I realized that I was searching for Lisa. I kept seeing the back of her head(which her hair was now brunette) and could never quite catch her, but we finally saw each other, and when we did, it was the whole cliche running in slow motion to the other person. I hugged her, she hugged me back, and said "not letting go, not letting go, not letting go!!!" after we finally let go haha, we just smiled and I woke up. I felt so peaceful. I think my mind is finally accepting they are coming back. I can't believe it is so soon though. I can't believe I will be only 4 hours away when she does come back.

In other news, I miss my family. I miss my niece, my dog, my sisters, my brothers, my parents (in that order haha jk). I can't wait to be home again. But I want to do well this semester, so far so good, A's in all of them right now! haha at least we are almost 3 weeks into the semester! almost a 1/4 of the way through!

Its almost May

And it has been a few months since I have posted. So much has changed, but when is something not changing? I was home for a week in April, it was the busiest, but greatest week I have had in a long time.

Sunday I walked in wearing my 4in heels in a pencil skirt w/ my new a-line hair cut, I got a lot of looks my way, not bad in anyway, and a lot of comments from people I have grown up with but never really knew in the ward about how cute I looked. I got to see Julie, I missed her. And I saw April! That was amazing. But it was great to sit with my parents and be in my home ward again. During sunday school my mom and I discussed a topic completely off from the New Testament lesson, but still church based, I love doing that with her! Then we came home I had another homemade cinnamon roll :) Then Abbi came over and we had an EASTER EGG HUNT her very first ever! I got it all on video, she is too precious. We had Easter dinner, and just hung out best ever.

Wednesday, we had Abbi all day, I also went out to lunch with April and she brought her toddler who cracks me up! It was so nice to catch up with her and just have fun. Then we returned Abbi to her parents and stayed a little longer, I got to see her dance to her new favorite song, "only girl in the world" SO CUTE!

Friday, I went and saw the Wilkins new baby girl she was just so adorable! Complete full head of hair! She is just beautiful, and I am sad they will be in Spain for at least the next 2+ years! I will greatly miss my days with Emma playing all sorts of different things, just getting to be a kid again. I tried not to think it would be the last time I would see Emma for such a long time, otherwise I think I would have started crying. Audrey has become such a great friend, they are just the most incredible family! I never really got to say good bye to Landon :( but that would have been difficult too, those kids give the best hugs, especially Landon.

Then it was back to the burg...

Currently myself and a few friends are planning on a Disneyland trip Memorial Day weekend! My best friend Hannah graciously gave me her 2 park hoppers she earned from being a college rep at Provo. I don't know what I would do without that girl! She is the best friend a girl could ask for! I can't believe I have known her for almost a decade!

And so goes life. Waiting on the verdict from my parents as to whether I can go or not to Disneyland, but I am hoping for the best! It would be so great because it would be something to look forward to, and I really need something closer to look forward to. July weekend is too far away, when LISA GETS BACK! I can't tell you how excited I am for that, but it still feels like it is forever and a day away! And going home is even farther back then that! So Disneyland on Memorial day weekend would be so incredible.

Reflections

It is midterm time here on BYU-IDAHO, and life is CRAZY!

Lizzy is getting married in 4 days, and it is so cool!

Besides that, life has had its up and downs, but this semester has been a test from the start. I came up and was so ready to start a new year. That in and of itself it such a story I don't think I have time to begin telling it! It didn't start the way I had intended it to, I didn't get to spend the time I wanted to with my mom, and when she left me in Rexburg I had a horrible feeling of guilt, she had just lost her dog, that had been her shadow for almost 14 years and just lost her father who she was a daddy's girl to the fullest. I know it has been difficult for her and I know it was difficult for her to leave me here, when she just wanted to be able to keep everything she loves as close to her as possible.

I love and miss my sweet Cookie girl, looking at pictures of her is still difficult, talking about her in relation to our new puppy is a little bit easier, but I still get a pang of hurt in my heart.

More I miss my grandpa, when we were up in Utah for his funeral, it was all surreal. It didn't feel real, because I didn't want it to be, I wasn't ready to let the hurt in and realize I can never speak to him in a physical sense again. I know he is watching over me and that is a great comfort with all the wisdom he possesses. But I miss him, I am grateful for the time I got to spend with him and that I had him for the 21 years that I did. It makes me fear for my other grandparents that much more though. I fear for my step-grandma, and my grandma as well as my father's parents, they could all be gone in an instant, and will one day. Thank goodness for the gospel and the promise of eternal families.