So it gets to the point where the games just have to end. Silently fighting over a guy who you and your best friend like, who she didn't like in the first place and then after she figured out you like him decided she liked him too.... it gets tiresome and we basically arent talking... again.... I swear its like she doesn't get exactly what she wants and its WW3...
So I laid it all out for him tonight. I about DIED in the process, but once it was out, there it was, no taking it back. And this is how it went..... background story yada yada... talking about how he doesnt believe any girls can like like him... I chime in "would you believe me if i told you i like you?" boy: "well i do now, since you just told me" continue with story saying "well since i decided i like you, she has too... and that is what our little 'cat fight' is about" I went into some detail about specific things, and he started putting pieces together and noticing all the things she had been doing... And he told me this "I will have my guard up now when I go over there..." and we kinda talked about his obliviousness and not really how he felt about anything else... like feelings toward people. but he said we were cool, still friends and stuff which made me happy.
So friends we shall be, until he decides otherwise... if ever... im okay with friends, gotta start somewhere right...
Ps to my sis in law, the boy i am talking about is the same boy from Yellowstone...
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
11 Days
And so the final count down until I see Lisa again has started! Truthfully it started way back at about 25 or more days and now we are in the final stretch, it is only 6 days until they are back in the states, I dont know that I am going to be able to focus that day in school, thankfully I only have 2 of my 3 classes that day. The next 4 days after that are going to be so long!
I didn't originally know what I was going to do on the 4th of July, but I do now. It just came to me. I will be first visiting my grandpa, I need to go have a good talk with him. Next, the tough one, I will be visiting my grandma and uncle. I need to have a good talk with my grandma- she always wanted to know what was going on and always had an open ear for complaining without really having a bias. My heart is still torn open from the somewhat surprise of her passing, it is going to hurt, and probably tear my heart a little more to go visit, but I plan on doing it every single time I am in Utah. When I go down at the end of the semester, it will be the first place I go. Going alone is the best for me right now, i mourn the best in private, that is also something I haven't really been able to do. And it certainly doesn't help that at this very moment, the window is open and it smells exactly like my grandma's backyard at night. Or the front bedroom when I would spend the night. I can almost hear her breathing(we always kept the doors open, so we could see each other) laughing in her sleep as a gentle breeze flows in... hearing the runoff from the creek in the background and the lulling tick of the coocoo clock from the family room. It was always so peaceful- I knew I was loved, I knew I was safe, I knew she was always there, eager to hear about my life. I know she is still with me now, more than ever, helping me guiding me, and still wanting the best for me. I know my grandpa is also with me doing the same things, I miss his wise insight to life, his caring and giving nature.
I one day hope to live up to everything they wanted me to be. I hope to live up to what everyone now wants me to be. I can't wait to see Lisa, it is going to be an amazing, and incredibly story filled reunion, we have 3 years to catch up on, when before- the longest we ever went without seeing each other was 2 months... Missed her doesn't even begin to explain it!
I didn't originally know what I was going to do on the 4th of July, but I do now. It just came to me. I will be first visiting my grandpa, I need to go have a good talk with him. Next, the tough one, I will be visiting my grandma and uncle. I need to have a good talk with my grandma- she always wanted to know what was going on and always had an open ear for complaining without really having a bias. My heart is still torn open from the somewhat surprise of her passing, it is going to hurt, and probably tear my heart a little more to go visit, but I plan on doing it every single time I am in Utah. When I go down at the end of the semester, it will be the first place I go. Going alone is the best for me right now, i mourn the best in private, that is also something I haven't really been able to do. And it certainly doesn't help that at this very moment, the window is open and it smells exactly like my grandma's backyard at night. Or the front bedroom when I would spend the night. I can almost hear her breathing(we always kept the doors open, so we could see each other) laughing in her sleep as a gentle breeze flows in... hearing the runoff from the creek in the background and the lulling tick of the coocoo clock from the family room. It was always so peaceful- I knew I was loved, I knew I was safe, I knew she was always there, eager to hear about my life. I know she is still with me now, more than ever, helping me guiding me, and still wanting the best for me. I know my grandpa is also with me doing the same things, I miss his wise insight to life, his caring and giving nature.
I one day hope to live up to everything they wanted me to be. I hope to live up to what everyone now wants me to be. I can't wait to see Lisa, it is going to be an amazing, and incredibly story filled reunion, we have 3 years to catch up on, when before- the longest we ever went without seeing each other was 2 months... Missed her doesn't even begin to explain it!
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Sleep Deprivation
Dont you hate those times when you think, I could/would not like a certain person, but then you spend time with them and talk to them and its like dang I like you.
Yeah me too. I hate all the pressure up here to get married, to find the one person you will share forever with. Like if you don't you literally fail at life, so you better find them.
I also hate it when someone who didn't like a person at all, suddenly decides they like said person. And how said person also thinks they should have first dibs... get a life sweetheart- I will fight you.
The worst is when you and the person you like talk about how he thinks no one could ever like him, "like that" and you, the person who likes him is standing right in front of his face. Also not being able to sleep because of that boy and trying to find a good time to tell him because that is the only way to "fix" your relationship... or should I say friendship... if we can even call it that. but you would think that someone who told you things from his heart, that he hasn't told other people would be your friend.
Not being able to sleep... that is an added bonus. But I will not give up on this boy- I just feel like I should keep going.
Yeah me too. I hate all the pressure up here to get married, to find the one person you will share forever with. Like if you don't you literally fail at life, so you better find them.
I also hate it when someone who didn't like a person at all, suddenly decides they like said person. And how said person also thinks they should have first dibs... get a life sweetheart- I will fight you.
The worst is when you and the person you like talk about how he thinks no one could ever like him, "like that" and you, the person who likes him is standing right in front of his face. Also not being able to sleep because of that boy and trying to find a good time to tell him because that is the only way to "fix" your relationship... or should I say friendship... if we can even call it that. but you would think that someone who told you things from his heart, that he hasn't told other people would be your friend.
Not being able to sleep... that is an added bonus. But I will not give up on this boy- I just feel like I should keep going.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Remembering the Good things in Life.
So much has changed since my last post. So much that is so personal and close to my heart it will have to be shared at another time...
Right now I am trying to focus on the happy things in my life. I am going to school and only have 1 year left before I graduate. I will be a truly independent person then.. scary but good. I have an incredibly loving family who supports me through thick and thin. I have a father who teaches me motivation by his immense hard work to get to where he is and to be able to provide our family the luxury we live in now. I have a loving mother who teaches me humility and has gone through more than I can imagine, and learns from it, better than any other person I know. I have a brother who is the biggest teddy bear a girl could ask for and teaches me every day that quiet can be good too. I have another brother who teaches me kindness every time he scoops his daughter in his arms and gives her a kiss. I have a sister who teaches me love for every single person good or bad. I have a sister-in-law who teaches me charity for every living thing. I have a niece who teaches me wonder and excitement every time she experiences something new, its like I am too. I have a best friend who teaches me forgiveness even when it seems unforgivable. I have a mentor that teaches me, even over 2000 miles away, that a testimony is your greatest weapon against Satan and his evil plan. I have a Savior who died for me, and knows my every sorrow, tear, and lonely pang within my heart.
I am grateful for those who love me. I am grateful to be a member of a Church that encourages me to become the best I can be, to become like my Savior. I love my family, I love my friends, and all who have helped me become who I am today. Thank you for being a "good thing" in my life.
Right now I am trying to focus on the happy things in my life. I am going to school and only have 1 year left before I graduate. I will be a truly independent person then.. scary but good. I have an incredibly loving family who supports me through thick and thin. I have a father who teaches me motivation by his immense hard work to get to where he is and to be able to provide our family the luxury we live in now. I have a loving mother who teaches me humility and has gone through more than I can imagine, and learns from it, better than any other person I know. I have a brother who is the biggest teddy bear a girl could ask for and teaches me every day that quiet can be good too. I have another brother who teaches me kindness every time he scoops his daughter in his arms and gives her a kiss. I have a sister who teaches me love for every single person good or bad. I have a sister-in-law who teaches me charity for every living thing. I have a niece who teaches me wonder and excitement every time she experiences something new, its like I am too. I have a best friend who teaches me forgiveness even when it seems unforgivable. I have a mentor that teaches me, even over 2000 miles away, that a testimony is your greatest weapon against Satan and his evil plan. I have a Savior who died for me, and knows my every sorrow, tear, and lonely pang within my heart.
I am grateful for those who love me. I am grateful to be a member of a Church that encourages me to become the best I can be, to become like my Savior. I love my family, I love my friends, and all who have helped me become who I am today. Thank you for being a "good thing" in my life.
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