11 Days

And so the final count down until I see Lisa again has started! Truthfully it started way back at about 25 or more days and now we are in the final stretch, it is only 6 days until they are back in the states, I dont know that I am going to be able to focus that day in school, thankfully I only have 2 of my 3 classes that day. The next 4 days after that are going to be so long!

I didn't originally know what I was going to do on the 4th of July, but I do now. It just came to me. I will be first visiting my grandpa, I need to go have a good talk with him. Next, the tough one, I will be visiting my grandma and uncle. I need to have a good talk with my grandma- she always wanted to know what was going on and always had an open ear for complaining without really having a bias. My heart is still torn open from the somewhat surprise of her passing, it is going to hurt, and probably tear my heart a little more to go visit, but I plan on doing it every single time I am in Utah. When I go down at the end of the semester, it will be the first place I go. Going alone is the best for me right now, i mourn the best in private, that is also something I haven't really been able to do. And it certainly doesn't help that at this very moment, the window is open and it smells exactly like my grandma's backyard at night. Or the front bedroom when I would spend the night. I can almost hear her breathing(we always kept the doors open, so we could see each other) laughing in her sleep as a gentle breeze flows in... hearing the runoff from the creek in the background and the lulling tick of the coocoo clock from the family room. It was always so peaceful- I knew I was loved, I knew I was safe, I knew she was always there, eager to hear about my life. I know she is still with me now, more than ever, helping me guiding me, and still wanting the best for me. I know my grandpa is also with me doing the same things, I miss his wise insight to life, his caring and giving nature.

I one day hope to live up to everything they wanted me to be. I hope to live up to what everyone now wants me to be. I can't wait to see Lisa, it is going to be an amazing, and incredibly story filled reunion, we have 3 years to catch up on, when before- the longest we ever went without seeing each other was 2 months... Missed her doesn't even begin to explain it!