These past few weeks I have been able to look back at how much I really have grown and why maybe that is... I know an incredibly huge part of it was student teaching. The kids actually see you as a teacher, and with that comes ALL of the responsibilities of being a teacher this quote I saw on a blog describes it perfectly...
"A Teacher...
becomes a mom or dad for the day while they are at work
is a doctor- keeping bandaids and nurse's office passes in stock ready to be filled out
is a counselor- with tissues on their desk and an open door.
is a guider, a leader, a facilitator of knowledge.
A teacher is someone who has been handed the trust of our future, and with that comes responsibility and maturity."
I think about the person I was before I was a student teacher and the person I am after student teaching- including the personal life break up- and at times I wish things had never happened, or that I had chosen a different major... But then I look at myself and I have never loved myself more, or known who I really am more than I do today. I have never felt more 23 and I absolutely love it! For the first time I don't feel like I am 17 or 18!
And for the first time... I think I'll actually talk about my last relationship, because while student teaching helped me immensely in maturing professionally- this helped me mature personally.. I have never been more hurt, or had my eyes more opened to the real world than I have with this last relationship. I never understood how girls who were lied to just stood by and took it. I never understood how they didnt see it- until I was that girl. You get so lost in the different stories and the cover ups that... you don't know who to believe and you are more inclined to believe your boyfriend because he is the one you should be able to believe- he is the one you are trusting... because he is your boyfriend and you should be able to put your trust in him... right?
I know now that I am definitely more cautious. I can see personality traits and flags pop up a lot faster and easier than they use to. My trust will still not completely be repaired... maybe ever, but that is not to say that I wont trust a man again- the first one to try will have a lot of work to do, and I do plan on helping with that. I know that it is my choice to not trust or to do trust- and I can't stay this broken or damaged person. People like that live in the past- which is not where I want to be. I have my whole life ahead of me and thankfully- it is not with him. I am thankful to him for that. I am thankful to be strong enough to know that I am 100 times better than that. And I feel sorry for his fiancee... but that is not my problem and I am happy to just have friends and be happy and free.
I am thankful for my experiences in Nampa, I would never have thought that IDAHO would be the state where I would grow into such a well rounded and mature person... in fact it seems like the last place a person can do that, but it has been so liberating to be here and I am so happy for it.
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